Chaos Defined Chaos Refined

By Sue Kaszynski

One of my many talents ( insert big laugh here) had been to create and maintain chaos. Which upon reflection was because of my pathological need for control. Sounds diametrically opposed doesn’t it? You see I had to have strict control over myself and my immediate surroundings. My control freak. By having utter chaos surrounding me it gave the illusion that I was in control of me at least. Looking back it sounds pretty whacked out to me also. But it served its purpose…..until it didn’t.

Wherefore art thou, chaos?. The Mission News: Wednesday September… | by  Mission | | Medium

It wasn’t until I met my husband that I realized I didn’t need those dysfunctional coping skills. For the first time ever I was safe. And that was pretty scary in the beginning. Growing and learning is a process even as an adult. And it takes time.

I am now 65 and I am still growing and learning and evolving. Recent events have shown me that I will always need to evolve because the world around me is evolving. I give sincere thanks to my black Marine Corps sisters who helped me to see how much more I had to do.

I know not everyone believes in God. That is ok ( I don’t fully understand but I accept it). I never want to cram my belief system down someone else’s throat. But my Faith in God is what has gotten me through so much in my life. He has guided me and has helped me through this process called life. He gives me strength to deal with everything thrown at me. He gives me wisdom in knowing what to say. He gives me more blessings than I can count. Including al my health issues. He gives me peace.

The God of Your Understanding - How to Define Your Higher Power - The SHAIR  Recovery Podcast

I encourage everyone to find their own higher power. Something bigger and more awe inspiring than they themselves could ever be. Find a source of strength, of peace, of wisdom. From there whole new avenues open up, like humor and perspective just to name a couple.

I never considered myself broken. I am forged in fire and it has made me stronger. People tried to rob me of me, of my soul, of my identity, my purpose. I chose to use it all to reinforce who I am. I chose. There are many things we don’t control but we do control choice.

Sue is a licensed therapist. Marine Veteran and Freelance writer for this blog. She has Dysautonomia, Ehlers and a number of other autoimmune disorders. She writes about her life, her struggles and most of all her fight to stay positive and never give up. She gives of her time freely despite various health issues to help veterans and anyone in need. This is her 5th blog.