By Sue Kaszynski
It is almost 11:30 at night. I am way beyond exhausted. I am typing this on my phone and my
hands can hardly hold it and I keep having spasms. But I figured now was a good time to
discuss my next topic; PAIN.
Everyone has felt pain at one point or another. Mental, emotional and physical. Not sure yet if I
will discuss all three tonight or not. It will depend on how I hold up. But I will start the the most
obvious, the physical pain.
We have all heard doctors ask, “ what kind of pain are you feeling?” Seems like a simple
question. But it isn’t. Far from it.
How do I answer when all I know is pain. It is like a white noise machine just always humming
along in the background. You learn to tune it out so you never put a label as to what kind it is.
Then you get additional pain on top of it. You get stabbing, sharp shooting, electric shock, pin
prick localized, spasms, cramps, tingling numbness, dull ache, deep down muscle pain, to the
bone pain, all over pain, the list goes on.
What happens when you get a multitude of different types going at the same time? Then what
How do you try and explain that without sounding melodramatic?
Now what do you do when you can’t take 99.99% of medications or supplements meant to
help? What do you do when you can’t sleep because of painsomina? You find other
distractions. For me, for tonight it is writing this blog. I have tried talking to God but I was just
rambling. I tried to watch tv but nothing caught my attention. I tried checking up on my kids on
Facebook but that wasn’t working. I admit I am struggling tonight. I have wondered what it would
be like to stop fighting so hard. To just curl up and let whatever happens happen.
But I can’t. As exhausted as I am, I can’t. As much pain as I am in I can’t. I am totally incapable
of giving up. I have reflected on why.
My DNA of a strong and powerful mom who endured so much and role modeled for me? My
Irish stubbornness? My Marine Corps training? My family needing me? I’m sure all this plays a
part. But I think the bottom line is it isn’t my time. I still have work to do and a purpose to
achieve. So for tonight I will endure. So for tonight I will survive. And with luck, hope and prayer
tomorrow I will thrive
Sue is a licensed therapist. Marine Veteran and Freelance writer for this blog. She has Dysautonomia, Ehlers and a number of other autoimmune disorders. She writes about her life, her struggles and most of all her fight to stay positive and never give up. She gives of her time freely despite various health issues to help veterans and anyone in need. This is her 8th blog.